Words are not coming easy today yet I feel so much. Some know, others don’t, that I came to AZ a bit early. Progression with pain, leg weakness, and foot numbness has caused the surgery to be moved up. I hold courage and perseverance as I head into this week and Thursday’s surgery. What has me most amazed and filled with warmth is the support and love from family and friends. We all show emotion and fear in different ways. What is keeping me strong as I head into a week of tests and surgery is my passion of running, my goals for the future, and my amazing support system. My mind is flooded with some of the major accomplishments I made this past year, the days I would go out on the trails and run with nothing other than mother nature, and the “congrats” and “nice job” replies I received from those that I look up to the most.
There is no doubt I have fear. I am human. Who wouldn’t be scared (especially a distance runner) with intense back pain, leg pain and weakness, and foot numbness BUT I have a special kind of faith that we are handed what we can handle to make us stronger and teach others that nothing is impossible. Looking down from above I harness the toughness and determination of a great friend, Jeff, who passed a few months ago. I feel the love and smile of Grandpa who shines down with his bright light giving me strength and healing all fears. Most of all I am filled with God’s love and protection. Only he knows the ultimate plan and we have shared much conversation of my future and “the dream”. He has allowed me to be able to do what many could not have done through the years and I know he will continue to guide and direct me. Each minute, each hour, each day, and eventually through each workout and week.
I have come to some huge decisions. I will give what God allows as I journey towards the Olympic Trials. Something I know I can make happen if I continue to believe. I have started researching Graduate Schools and plan to start next year. The mind is our most powerful tool in much of what we do. I want to help others use their minds to overcome obstacles and realize that it is one’s mind that dictates connection and well-being. I have spent half a lifetime wondering just how powerful the mind can be, the last 10 years I have tested the strength of the mind and have realized that I have not found it’s capacity yet. I will be journeying into the world of Clinical Psychology. I hope to someday be able to work in pediatric and sports psychology. I am excited and nervous about the undertakings of the future. However, “without fear and risk…you will achieve what is probable. I want to achieve what is improbable”
I have some confusion of the last 2 weeks and the progressions and recent changes with the back but know I could not have a better set of hands, heart, and expertise taking care of me. Dr. Randall Porter has given me a 2nd chance in life and my dreams. I am grateful and there are no words to even express to him and the team of those supporting me. With support, belief, commitment, and faith… I will move forward with the many dreams I have…. a journey called life made so much more special because of what God has asked me to overcome.
I am SUPER excited to toast in the New Year. 2011 is going to be GREAT. A year filled with happiness, faith, great friendships, major accomplishments in running and life, and many opportunities to pay back to those and the communities that have made my journeys possible. I look forward to watching you all make dreams become realities. Hugs!