I leave a week from Tuesday for Arizona. I will be having a 3rd spine surgery at Barrow / St. Joseph’s on Tuesday April 26th performed by my amazing Neurosurgeon, Dr. Randall Porter and his team of Doctor’s.
While winning blue ribbons or gold medals is cool and I have won a fair share (which I am grateful for and have donated to Medals for Mettle, a non-profit giving medals to individuals with life threatening illnesses; I have learned that the blue ribbon, gold medal, or trophy have so little to do with accomplishment. The journey and each steep mountain set in front of your feet are what accomplishments are made over. Whether the mountain physical, emotional, or spiritual. Yes, I have pleaded with God over the 2 last weeks to please flatten out some of the mountains out there. Each mountain and incline teaches us a listen but more shows us how strong we must be to overcome the inclines. The pain I am in is intense, the leg numbness is frightening, and the uncertainty is only something I can turn over to God and my surgeon.
The 2012 Olympic Trials goal and dream is over, my future running career will never be what I knew and hoped it would be, and I am fighting such physical and emotional pain that I’m unsure I have the courage and strength. It is now I must pray harder than I have ever prayed, dig deeper than I have ever have while racing, and for the first time I am openly asking God for strength and courage. I can not do this alone and I search to uncover God’s plan for me moving forward.
I received this news over 2 weeks ago and it is just now I am ready (or not so ready) to face this on paper (or my blog). Hence finally having the courage to post.
I am so grateful for my family, friends, doctors, coaches, and most of all God. I also want to thank my friends who have spent so many hours over the last 2 weeks with me and keeping my mind off the sharp physical pain, the deep emotional void, and the fear of the increased numbness felt in my leg and foot. You know who you are; your words and times spent with you have truly helped in pulling me through this and please know I will fight with all my stamina to overcome this next frighteningly steep incline; with God’s grace I know all is achievable.