This blog post might be the hardest I will ever post. I pondered all day about how to write this without sounding self-centered, conceited, selfish …. but after hearing two very close friends tell me recently that 2012 is a year for “Cristin” … I had to try to accept what they were saying to me.
2010/2011 were tough, tougher than most know, and probably the toughest years of my life. How did I deal with it? I filled my plate with doing more, helping others, distracting myself, refusing to “feel”, and walking away (or running) from the adversity that I faced. I focussed on others (probably to much), most times forgot about myself, and simply just went through the motions I needed to in order to make it all seem smooth. …. it was far from smooth in reality.
Some knew, most didn’t, but those true friends/coaches/trainers/etc stood by my side at even the darkest moments. I am alive and forever grateful for their wisdom and guidance.
So back to “2012, a year for Cristin”. At first I had no idea what that meant. Did it mean I do more for others?? That is what first came to MY mind. Could I inspire more individuals than I already strive to inspire? Did it mean, I train harder in my career, running, writing, etc???? Yes, I though that too. BUT NO… it did not mean either.
Today, on the back of a 1500 lb horse I figured out what it meant.
A horse named Dancer taught me something today. Dancer taught me that the slightest of lack of balance causes tension. If Dancer was not balanced around a turn, he tensed up, and looked for re-assurance. To those that don’t ride horses, you might not understand. But I provided Dancer with the reassurance that he would be guided in the right direction and Dancer provided me with the lesson of give and take.
2012 will be a year that I will MAKE (not find) time to be with those I care about (today at PCF was a great start), I will take time to ride again for horses can be great educators, I will not run from my emotions but feel them and taken them on one step at a time. I will learn to say NO at times, just so that I can say YES when it really matters.
2012 I will work to learn more about myself instead of focussing all my energy on others. That is not meant to sound selfish but if I don’t take care of myself, I will be unable to fulfill my legacy and that is to be known as one that inspired others to overcome all adversity.
I will work on fulfilling my dreams and not trying to fulfill the desires of others. I will try to learn how to trust again after trust was taken away in the recent past. And most important, I will live for my Higher Power, knowing God has the ultimate plan in writing and I only exist to live in the way he has planned for me.
So while I find this post so hard to write… I write it a sense of ease. 2012 will be a time for me to be me, for me to be present in my passions and share with those that have taught, stood by, and continued to care. I am excited for 2012. 2012, a year for Cristin.
I hope you all have a wonderful and fulfilling 2012.